How to handle your own Charlie Sheen

(EDITOR’S NOTE: This post was originally published on The Frontier at Grace on March 4, 2011.)

Over the past few weeks, Charlie Sheen has been all over the news.

From his reported drunken night in a hotel room to his bizarre interviews on The Today Show and 20/20, you can’t turn on the television without seeing Sheen and his issues.

It’s like a bad car wreck — you can’t turn away.

I’ve heard a lot of speculation on what people should do for Sheen. People have discussed how his family, his friends in Hollywood, and even CBS can help him.

I wonder what advice we would give if we had the opportunity to speak to him.

Not many of us will have the opportunity to speak to Sheen personally, but what about the Charlie Sheens in our personal lives? How do we help friends, co-workers, and family members who are engaging in self-destructive behavior?

It starts with something more simple than giving them advice: we pray for them. We pray for them consistently.

When we look at Sheen’s life and see the disastrous results of his actions, let’s remember to pray for the Charlie Sheens who are close to us. God can turn a bad car wreck into an inspiring recovery.

— Chris Pugh

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Thankfully, God loves our “e-mail”

Each day, I get bombarded with e-mail.

I prefer e-mails from family, friends and bosses, but I get tons more from offers, professional groups and “friends” from Nigeria who promise millions if I only hand over my social security number.

Opening my e-mail each day can be overwhelming. So many requests, so little time to respond.

I wonder how God feels about requests?

In the movie Bruce Almighty, God (played by Morgan Freeman) takes a vacation and asks Bruce (Jim Carrey) to take his place for a week. When Bruce answers prayer requests, which come by e-mail, he quickly gets frustrated when after answering thousands, millions more come in. He responds by replying yes to all e-mails. The movie humorously looks at the chaos that ensues.

I’m glad God doesn’t take vacation and hand His duties over to Jim Carrey. I’m glad He takes time to listen to our requests. And I’m glad He answers our prayers to His glory.

We may not always get what we want, but God does provide for our needs:

“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19 NLT).

It’s amazing to have the opportunity to communicate with a great God each day.

—Chris Pugh

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NFL transactions and Jesus’ team

I doubt that NFL general managers are getting 8 hours of sleep per night.

As you may know, the recently ended NFL lockout cut into the time available for teams to sign and swap players before the beginning of the 2011 season. As a result, there has been a flurry of player transactions in the last several days. Albert Haynesworth is headed to New England, Donovan McNabb is flying north to Minnesota for the fall, and Reggie Bush’s talents have been traded to South Beach.

What makes a team trade for a player or sign a free agent? Simple. The team believes that the player they are acquiring will make them better. Stated another way, they believe that the player is a good fit—he fills a gap and provides skills that otherwise would be lacking from the team.

Isn’t it interesting that God intends for the church to function as a team, or, to use Paul’s metaphor, a body (1 Corinthians 12:13,27; Ephesians 3:6; 4:12; 5:23; Colossians 3:15)? All the parts of the body are important (1 Corinthians 12:14–26), just as all the members of a team are important. When a body part doesn’t work properly, the whole body suffers. When a team member gets injured or doesn’t play hard, the whole team suffers. Why? Because the function of the whole is dependent on the function of the parts.

If you have placed your trust in Jesus to save you, consider yourself under contract. You are no longer a free agent. You are on Jesus’ team. That means the rest of us need you. If you become enslaved to sin or selfishly detach yourself from other believers, our team will struggle. On the other hand, if you fully invest your gifts and talents in service (Ephesians 4:12–13), our team will succeed.

And the stakes are a lot higher than a Vince Lombardi trophy.

—Beau Stanley

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How should a Christian relate to those who practice homosexuality?

Welcome to our Wednesday “Ask Beau” post. The purpose of this weekly feature is to provide you, our readers, with biblical responses to questions you have about practical issues that you face.

As always, you may submit questions for future “Ask Beau” posts by contacting us at beau.stanley@gracebrethren.org or viewfromthepugh@yahoo.com, or by leaving a comment on this post.

Last week I received a question via email regarding how Christians should respond to fellow believers who choose to live a homosexual lifestyle. This is a great question, one that is extremely relevant in our current cultural situation. Permit me in this post to broaden the question a bit to this: How should a Christian relate to those who practice homosexuality?

It is important to establish first what the Bible says about homosexual behavior. In one of the least politically correct passages in the Scripture, Paul speaks of lesbianism (Romans 1:26) and male homosexuality (1:27) as “dishonorable,” “unnatural,” and “shameful” (ESV). The vice list in 1 Corinthians 6:9–10 contains two Greek words that denote the passive (malakoi) and active (arsenokoitai) participants in male homosexual acts. A form of arsenokoitai appears in the vice list in 1 Timothy 1:8–10 as well. Leviticus 18:22 presents male homosexuality as one of several prohibited sexual practices. The narrative of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 18:20–19:29, especially 19:4–13) indicates that the destruction of these cities came about at least in part because of the homosexual practices of the inhabitants. When one looks at the biblical text, it is clear that God considers homosexual behavior to be a serious sin. 

Christians should speak this truth to homosexuals in love (Ephesians 4:15), but it is important to consider what that really means. Those who speak the truth in love are humble and cognizant of their own faults (see our prior post on judging). They genuinely look out for the best interests of the other person. They realize that transformation takes time and that homosexuality is usually tied deeply to perceptions of identity and worth. They aren’t unnecessarily offensive and they don’t call names. 

In fact, I am concerned that when relating to those who practice homosexuality, Christians are sometimes so focused on the “truth” part of speaking the truth in love that we forget the “love” part. I wonder if we would be so shortsighted when dealing with people who are engaged in other sins—some of which are prohibited in the same vice lists mentioned above—such as disobedience, lying, and extramarital heterosexual contact! When we view our relationships with homosexuals solely through the lens of challenging their behavior, we miss the charge to pray for them faithfully and to build bridges with them, bridges of acquaintance, friendship, and genuine, tangible care. Honestly, would we feel loved by “friends” whose only mission in the friendship is to confront us? Instead, let’s follow Jesus’ model of loving engagement—which caused Him to be criticized for being “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (Matthew 11:19; Luke 7:34).

There is also a biblical distinction that I should mention here, in light of the form in which this question was posed to me. The Bible directs Christians to be more relationally “open” to non-Christians who practice sin than to those who claim to be Christians and practice sin (1 Corinthians 5:9–11). Thus, regarding the unrepentant believer or professing believer who continues in homosexual behavior, eventually (not immediately—see the general pattern laid out in Matthew 18:15–17) the best course of action for a Christian may be to dissociate himself from that person, making sure he leaves the door open for future restoration and reconciliation (Galatians 6:1). 

Now it’s your turn. What are your thoughts on this important and sensitive question?

—Beau Stanley

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Complimentarity and the masculine soul

I think it’s interesting to consider how public opinion on the topic of gender differences has shifted over the years. People have always recognized the physical differences between men and women, of course, but since the 1960s it has been somewhat controversial to speak of non-physical differences between the genders. The reason for this is clear enough: some people feel that non-physical gender differences would imply inequality between men and women at some level.

The Bible is bold enough to present what has been called a “complimentarian” view of gender differences, though. Men and women, according to God’s Word, have distinct and complimentary characteristics on the non-physical as well as the physical levels. When the Scripture says that God created people as male and female (Genesis 1:27), it means just that: He created male and female people, not just male and female bodies. Besides this, men and women have distinct roles in relationship with one another. When instructions to husbands and wives appear in Scripture (see, for example, Ephesians 5:22–33; Colossians 3:18–19; 1 Peter 3:1–7), husbands never receive the same instructions as wives.

As Wayne Grudem and others have eloquently argued, the reason the complimentarian view of gender differences is not demeaning to either gender is that differences in characteristics and roles do not mean inequality of essence. We see an analogy in the nature of God Himself, who exists as a Triune being, three co-equal persons who have distinct roles. The Son submits to the Father (John 5:17–47; 1 Corinthians 15:27–28), not the other way around, but the Son Himself is of equal value, dignity, and majesty as the Father (John 1:1; John 20:26–29).

The bottom line for us, men, is that it is legitimate and holy for us to act like men, just as it is legitimate and holy for women to act like women. God has given us masculine souls, not just masculine bodies. To be manly in God’s eyes has nothing to do with the amount of sporting events one watches. It is to be a servant-leader who rejects passivity (see Robert Lewis’s Raising a Modern-Day Knight) and takes seriously what Richard D. Phillips calls The Masculine Mandate, namely, the mandate to work and keep (Genesis 2:15). It is also to value the complementary differences in women that men so often cut on.

What are your thoughts on gender differences? Have you been fortunate enough to meet people who are/were examples of biblical manhood or womanhood?

—Beau Stanley

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“The Bachelor” is not an authority on marriage

(EDITOR’S NOTE: This post originally appeared March 15)

Given that I’ve been pretty vocal in the Bible studies about my distaste for the TV show The Bachelor, I figured it was only fair that I admit that I’ve been drawn in to the show at the end of this season. If you missed it, last night America discovered in the season finale that Brad chose Emily rather than Chantal. The process had begun with no less than twenty-five potential soul mates for Brad.

On the surface, one might think that this process would surely lead any bachelor to a happily-ever-after life. Brad had focused time and virtually unlimited resources at his disposal as he looked for women with whom he had a deep “connection” (Brad seemed to use that word a lot).

Interestingly, though, this was Brad’s second season on the show. In the first season, he chose . . . nobody! This season, he did choose Emily, but the third hour of programming last night (yes, the third hour) revealed that their relationship since the end of the filming process had been quite rocky. This was sad since Brad and Emily seem like nice, sincere people.

Connection, compatibility, and chemistry are not enough to make a marriage work. This is one reason why The Bachelor’s selection process does not inevitably yield a happy couple. If anything, the emphasis in the show is on how people can find someone that makes them feel good rather than on how they can focus on the needs and desires of someone else. Solid marriages usually include connection, compatibility, and chemistry, but they always include loyalty, faithfulness, and care, which are fundamentally other-centered traits.

I’m not suggesting we go back to arranged marriages, but I am suggesting that we embrace a view of marriage that elevates our spouses above ourselves. Men, if you are looking for a spouse, don’t forget to approach marriage as an other-centered relationship. If you are already married, don’t use perceived lack of connection, compatibility, and chemistry as an excuse to be distant from your wife. You have as much compatibility as the Lord wanted you to have.

Our responsibility as husbands is to love our wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Thank God for Christ’s unconditional faithfulness toward us. May we show the same unconditional faithfulness to our spouses.

And may Brad and Emily show the same unconditional faithfulness toward one another now that their “real” relationship has begun.

— Beau Stanley

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An NBA lock-in

It looks like the NFL lockout is coming to a close after the owners ratified an agreement last night, but I hear sides are really far apart in the NBA. I think I have found the solution to the NBA lockout, though. Let’s just get the players and owners to have a lock-in.

Yes, lock-ins are mostly a middle-school thing, but maybe the shoe fits here. Lock-ins are a lot of fun. Basically you get a bunch of people together in a building and they stay there for a night. The only one I remember participating in took place at an indoor sports facility. Unlimited batting cage tokens + intense personality = hands that look like shredded meat, evidently.

I’m not sure where they’d go, but maybe they could hang out in an arcade that features only “Magic vs. Bird.” Maybe they could rent out Latrell Sprewell’s house so that he can feed his kids—that was a concern of his some time ago, anyway. Maybe they could go to a big party barn and have face-painting and hide-the-revenue games. Maybe they could stay at St. John Arena and play a huge game of lockout knockout.

Are there colossal egos in play here? Sure. But I’m convinced that if you pump a little Rob Base through the speakers and have them together watch Chunk from Goonies do the Truffle Shuffle, everyone will be holding hands and singing “Kumbaya” afterward. 

Admittedly, there may be a better way to settle a dispute than to lock both sides in the same building for an extended period of time. There are some logistical challenges with this idea, too. Who will do the valet parking? Who will go through the buffet line first? Who will pay since everyone seems to be so strapped for cash?

If we can’t pull off the lock-in idea, maybe there really won’t be an NBA season after all. I, for one, won’t notice until playoff season rolls around in late September.

— Beau Stanley

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Can Big Ben find grace and redemption?

On the field, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been very successful, with two Super Bowl rings to show for it.

But off the field, he has often been embroiled in controversy, from nearly dying from a motorcycle accident to sexual assault allegations.

The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review had an interesting story this week talking about Roethlisberger’s upcoming wedding.

In the story, a pastor of the church where the wedding is scheduled, and which Roethlisberger and his fiancee attend, told a reporter that the couple are “consistent and genuine in their worship.”

Only God knows the condition of Roethlisberger’s heart, but I’m encouraged to hear he has taken steps to connect with a local church.

No matter what your past has been like, Jesus offers grace through those who trust in Him.

Romans 3:22-24 states “We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins” (NLT).

Although time will tell if Roethlisberger will redeem his career by winning additional Super Bowls, he can be assured of finding personal redemption through faith in Jesus Christ.

And that’s the redemption that really matters.

— Chris Pugh

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Should we seek rewards given for good deeds?

Welcome to our Wednesday “Ask Beau” post. The purpose of this weekly feature is to provide you, our readers, with biblical responses to questions you have about practical issues that you face.

As always, you may submit questions for future “Ask Beau” posts by contacting us at beau.stanley@gracebrethren.org or viewfromthepugh@yahoo.com or by leaving a comment on this post.

Last week Stratton A. asked me to comment on the situation with the now-famous ball that Derek Jeter hit to reach the 3,000 career-hits mark. If you weren’t aware of it, Jeter hit a home run to get to 3,000 hits, and the fan who ended up with the ball, Christian Lopez, was classy enough to return the ball to Jeter. Lopez demanded no repayment from Jeter and got none.

Yes, it would have been nice for Jeter to offer Lopez some money for the extremely valuable ball, but others have stepped up and rewarded Lopez for his good deed. The Yankees have offered Lopez some sweet gifts, including great box seats for the rest of the season. An article I found at the Detroit Free Press’s site says that Modell’s Sporting Goods, Miller High Life, and Topps have also pledged to give perks to Lopez.

Stratton was particularly interested in my thoughts on “how the fan’s selflessness is being rewarded.” Well, I think it’s great that his selflessness is being richly rewarded! It is refreshing when people recognize good deeds and reward those who do them. Sure, the Yankees, Modell’s, Miller High Life, and Topps gain some nice publicity through the deal, but I’d like to think that at some level, the rewarders saw something good in Lopez and wanted to bless him for it.

This situation raises a question, though. Should we seek rewards given for good deeds? The answer may surprise you: Yes, we absolutely should. We should seek rewards from God, to be specific.

The concept of rewards from the hand of God is quite prominent in the Bible. A number of biblical passages speak of rewards from God and either explicitly or implicitly encourage us to seek them. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told his hearers to seek rewards from God rather than from man (Matthew 6:1–6; 16–18) and to store up treasures in heaven rather than on earth (Matthew 6:20). Paul said that God will reward Christians according to their deeds (1 Corinthians 3:10–15; 2 Corinthians 5:9–10), and the author of Hebrews said that it is impossible to please God if we don’t believe that He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). See also Luke 19:12–27; 2 John 8; Revelation 11:18; 22:12. 

Some believers object to the notion of seeking rewards from God, and say, “No, I don’t want a reward—I just want to do the right thing because it is the right thing.” I’d like to suggest that this is an unbiblical attitude. If God Himself said that we should expect and seek rewards, then who are we to argue against Him in pseudo-humility? Of course we want to do the right thing, knowing that it is the right thing, but it is glorifying to God when we expect rewards from Him, because we are recognizing that He is benevolent and true to His promises.

Sometimes we get into problems, though, because we try to dictate what we receive from God, or when we receive it from Him. He is the giver, and the rewards are given as He desires. Often we will not receive them in this lifetime.

We also get into trouble when we seek rewards from our fellow humans. The Sermon on the Mount encourages us to think about rewards from God rather than rewards from man. This is a practically helpful thing because, while Lopez was rewarded in this case, people don’t always react so kindly to good deeds.

Now it’s your turn. What are your thought on Lopez’s situation, or on rewards in general?

—Beau Stanley

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Misapplying Love & Respect

As a teacher, I find it somewhat disconcerting that people can totally miss important points that I am trying to make. Teaching can be a little like the children’s game of “Telephone,” in which the first person to speak says something like, “I like peanut butter,” and by the time the message hits the ultimate recipient, he thinks the message is, “Go Bucks, beat Michigan.” Sometimes people miss things because I am not clear enough. Other times they miss things because they want to miss them.

Unfortunately I have written proof of a time at which I missed an important point that a teacher was trying to make. The year was 2006, I believe, and Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, came to Scottsdale Bible Church to present the Love & Respect conference. The material was really insightful. Unfortunately, my wife was sick and was not able to attend the conference with me.

After the conference, there was a book signing, and I took advantage of it. Dr. Eggerichs asked me what message I would like him to write in the book I had just purchased, and here’s what I asked him to write—which he kindly did:

Stacey—Sorry you weren’t feeling well but enjoy the book!

–Emerson & Sarah

As I made this request, I noted that Sarah’s reaction was somewhat warmer than Emerson’s, and though this may just have been reflective of personality or what the two of them had eaten for breakfast, I have since wondered if Dr. Eggerichs didn’t see through to the real meaning of my words:

Stacey—Sorry you weren’t feeling well enough to be here and find out how much you need to respect me. 

Eggerichs’ teaching on respect is what makes the conference really unique, and this teaching resonated deeply with me. Here’s the problem: I was focused on the way Stacey (a very respectful wife, by the way) should treat me, rather than how I should treat her! Dr. Eggerichs spends a good deal of time in the conference urging just the opposite, but I didn’t digest that emphasis because I didn’t really want to. I had totally misapplied the teaching of the conference before it was even over.

It is uncanny how often people attribute their marital problems almost solely to their spouses. Both spouses in a struggling marriage will usually have eagle-like focus on the alleged flaws of the other person. The biblical way, though, is to focus on our own hearts, and on how we can behave in a godly manner toward our spouses, regardless of how they treat us.

Love & Respect? Great stuff. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul tells wives to respect their husbands, and he tells husbands to love their wives. Men, let’s concern ourselves with how we can love our wives rather than how we can get them to respect us.

What about you? How have you seen these issues play out?

—Beau Stanley

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