It looks like the NFL lockout is coming to a close after the owners ratified an agreement last night, but I hear sides are really far apart in the NBA. I think I have found the solution to the NBA lockout, though. Let’s just get the players and owners to have a lock-in.
Yes, lock-ins are mostly a middle-school thing, but maybe the shoe fits here. Lock-ins are a lot of fun. Basically you get a bunch of people together in a building and they stay there for a night. The only one I remember participating in took place at an indoor sports facility. Unlimited batting cage tokens + intense personality = hands that look like shredded meat, evidently.
I’m not sure where they’d go, but maybe they could hang out in an arcade that features only “Magic vs. Bird.” Maybe they could rent out Latrell Sprewell’s house so that he can feed his kids—that was a concern of his some time ago, anyway. Maybe they could go to a big party barn and have face-painting and hide-the-revenue games. Maybe they could stay at St. John Arena and play a huge game of lockout knockout.
Are there colossal egos in play here? Sure. But I’m convinced that if you pump a little Rob Base through the speakers and have them together watch Chunk from Goonies do the Truffle Shuffle, everyone will be holding hands and singing “Kumbaya” afterward.
Admittedly, there may be a better way to settle a dispute than to lock both sides in the same building for an extended period of time. There are some logistical challenges with this idea, too. Who will do the valet parking? Who will go through the buffet line first? Who will pay since everyone seems to be so strapped for cash?
If we can’t pull off the lock-in idea, maybe there really won’t be an NBA season after all. I, for one, won’t notice until playoff season rolls around in late September.
— Beau Stanley
Follow @beaustanley
