How should a Christian relate to those who practice homosexuality?

Welcome to our Wednesday “Ask Beau” post. The purpose of this weekly feature is to provide you, our readers, with biblical responses to questions you have about practical issues that you face.

As always, you may submit questions for future “Ask Beau” posts by contacting us at beau.stanley@gracebrethren.org or viewfromthepugh@yahoo.com, or by leaving a comment on this post.

Last week I received a question via email regarding how Christians should respond to fellow believers who choose to live a homosexual lifestyle. This is a great question, one that is extremely relevant in our current cultural situation. Permit me in this post to broaden the question a bit to this: How should a Christian relate to those who practice homosexuality?

It is important to establish first what the Bible says about homosexual behavior. In one of the least politically correct passages in the Scripture, Paul speaks of lesbianism (Romans 1:26) and male homosexuality (1:27) as “dishonorable,” “unnatural,” and “shameful” (ESV). The vice list in 1 Corinthians 6:9–10 contains two Greek words that denote the passive (malakoi) and active (arsenokoitai) participants in male homosexual acts. A form of arsenokoitai appears in the vice list in 1 Timothy 1:8–10 as well. Leviticus 18:22 presents male homosexuality as one of several prohibited sexual practices. The narrative of Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 18:20–19:29, especially 19:4–13) indicates that the destruction of these cities came about at least in part because of the homosexual practices of the inhabitants. When one looks at the biblical text, it is clear that God considers homosexual behavior to be a serious sin. 

Christians should speak this truth to homosexuals in love (Ephesians 4:15), but it is important to consider what that really means. Those who speak the truth in love are humble and cognizant of their own faults (see our prior post on judging). They genuinely look out for the best interests of the other person. They realize that transformation takes time and that homosexuality is usually tied deeply to perceptions of identity and worth. They aren’t unnecessarily offensive and they don’t call names. 

In fact, I am concerned that when relating to those who practice homosexuality, Christians are sometimes so focused on the “truth” part of speaking the truth in love that we forget the “love” part. I wonder if we would be so shortsighted when dealing with people who are engaged in other sins—some of which are prohibited in the same vice lists mentioned above—such as disobedience, lying, and extramarital heterosexual contact! When we view our relationships with homosexuals solely through the lens of challenging their behavior, we miss the charge to pray for them faithfully and to build bridges with them, bridges of acquaintance, friendship, and genuine, tangible care. Honestly, would we feel loved by “friends” whose only mission in the friendship is to confront us? Instead, let’s follow Jesus’ model of loving engagement—which caused Him to be criticized for being “a friend of tax collectors and sinners” (Matthew 11:19; Luke 7:34).

There is also a biblical distinction that I should mention here, in light of the form in which this question was posed to me. The Bible directs Christians to be more relationally “open” to non-Christians who practice sin than to those who claim to be Christians and practice sin (1 Corinthians 5:9–11). Thus, regarding the unrepentant believer or professing believer who continues in homosexual behavior, eventually (not immediately—see the general pattern laid out in Matthew 18:15–17) the best course of action for a Christian may be to dissociate himself from that person, making sure he leaves the door open for future restoration and reconciliation (Galatians 6:1). 

Now it’s your turn. What are your thoughts on this important and sensitive question?

—Beau Stanley

Follow @beaustanley

Complimentarity and the masculine soul

I think it’s interesting to consider how public opinion on the topic of gender differences has shifted over the years. People have always recognized the physical differences between men and women, of course, but since the 1960s it has been somewhat controversial to speak of non-physical differences between the genders. The reason for this is clear enough: some people feel that non-physical gender differences would imply inequality between men and women at some level.

The Bible is bold enough to present what has been called a “complimentarian” view of gender differences, though. Men and women, according to God’s Word, have distinct and complimentary characteristics on the non-physical as well as the physical levels. When the Scripture says that God created people as male and female (Genesis 1:27), it means just that: He created male and female people, not just male and female bodies. Besides this, men and women have distinct roles in relationship with one another. When instructions to husbands and wives appear in Scripture (see, for example, Ephesians 5:22–33; Colossians 3:18–19; 1 Peter 3:1–7), husbands never receive the same instructions as wives.

As Wayne Grudem and others have eloquently argued, the reason the complimentarian view of gender differences is not demeaning to either gender is that differences in characteristics and roles do not mean inequality of essence. We see an analogy in the nature of God Himself, who exists as a Triune being, three co-equal persons who have distinct roles. The Son submits to the Father (John 5:17–47; 1 Corinthians 15:27–28), not the other way around, but the Son Himself is of equal value, dignity, and majesty as the Father (John 1:1; John 20:26–29).

The bottom line for us, men, is that it is legitimate and holy for us to act like men, just as it is legitimate and holy for women to act like women. God has given us masculine souls, not just masculine bodies. To be manly in God’s eyes has nothing to do with the amount of sporting events one watches. It is to be a servant-leader who rejects passivity (see Robert Lewis’s Raising a Modern-Day Knight) and takes seriously what Richard D. Phillips calls The Masculine Mandate, namely, the mandate to work and keep (Genesis 2:15). It is also to value the complementary differences in women that men so often cut on.

What are your thoughts on gender differences? Have you been fortunate enough to meet people who are/were examples of biblical manhood or womanhood?

—Beau Stanley

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An NBA lock-in

It looks like the NFL lockout is coming to a close after the owners ratified an agreement last night, but I hear sides are really far apart in the NBA. I think I have found the solution to the NBA lockout, though. Let’s just get the players and owners to have a lock-in.

Yes, lock-ins are mostly a middle-school thing, but maybe the shoe fits here. Lock-ins are a lot of fun. Basically you get a bunch of people together in a building and they stay there for a night. The only one I remember participating in took place at an indoor sports facility. Unlimited batting cage tokens + intense personality = hands that look like shredded meat, evidently.

I’m not sure where they’d go, but maybe they could hang out in an arcade that features only “Magic vs. Bird.” Maybe they could rent out Latrell Sprewell’s house so that he can feed his kids—that was a concern of his some time ago, anyway. Maybe they could go to a big party barn and have face-painting and hide-the-revenue games. Maybe they could stay at St. John Arena and play a huge game of lockout knockout.

Are there colossal egos in play here? Sure. But I’m convinced that if you pump a little Rob Base through the speakers and have them together watch Chunk from Goonies do the Truffle Shuffle, everyone will be holding hands and singing “Kumbaya” afterward. 

Admittedly, there may be a better way to settle a dispute than to lock both sides in the same building for an extended period of time. There are some logistical challenges with this idea, too. Who will do the valet parking? Who will go through the buffet line first? Who will pay since everyone seems to be so strapped for cash?

If we can’t pull off the lock-in idea, maybe there really won’t be an NBA season after all. I, for one, won’t notice until playoff season rolls around in late September.

— Beau Stanley

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Should we seek rewards given for good deeds?

Welcome to our Wednesday “Ask Beau” post. The purpose of this weekly feature is to provide you, our readers, with biblical responses to questions you have about practical issues that you face.

As always, you may submit questions for future “Ask Beau” posts by contacting us at beau.stanley@gracebrethren.org or viewfromthepugh@yahoo.com or by leaving a comment on this post.

Last week Stratton A. asked me to comment on the situation with the now-famous ball that Derek Jeter hit to reach the 3,000 career-hits mark. If you weren’t aware of it, Jeter hit a home run to get to 3,000 hits, and the fan who ended up with the ball, Christian Lopez, was classy enough to return the ball to Jeter. Lopez demanded no repayment from Jeter and got none.

Yes, it would have been nice for Jeter to offer Lopez some money for the extremely valuable ball, but others have stepped up and rewarded Lopez for his good deed. The Yankees have offered Lopez some sweet gifts, including great box seats for the rest of the season. An article I found at the Detroit Free Press’s site says that Modell’s Sporting Goods, Miller High Life, and Topps have also pledged to give perks to Lopez.

Stratton was particularly interested in my thoughts on “how the fan’s selflessness is being rewarded.” Well, I think it’s great that his selflessness is being richly rewarded! It is refreshing when people recognize good deeds and reward those who do them. Sure, the Yankees, Modell’s, Miller High Life, and Topps gain some nice publicity through the deal, but I’d like to think that at some level, the rewarders saw something good in Lopez and wanted to bless him for it.

This situation raises a question, though. Should we seek rewards given for good deeds? The answer may surprise you: Yes, we absolutely should. We should seek rewards from God, to be specific.

The concept of rewards from the hand of God is quite prominent in the Bible. A number of biblical passages speak of rewards from God and either explicitly or implicitly encourage us to seek them. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told his hearers to seek rewards from God rather than from man (Matthew 6:1–6; 16–18) and to store up treasures in heaven rather than on earth (Matthew 6:20). Paul said that God will reward Christians according to their deeds (1 Corinthians 3:10–15; 2 Corinthians 5:9–10), and the author of Hebrews said that it is impossible to please God if we don’t believe that He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). See also Luke 19:12–27; 2 John 8; Revelation 11:18; 22:12. 

Some believers object to the notion of seeking rewards from God, and say, “No, I don’t want a reward—I just want to do the right thing because it is the right thing.” I’d like to suggest that this is an unbiblical attitude. If God Himself said that we should expect and seek rewards, then who are we to argue against Him in pseudo-humility? Of course we want to do the right thing, knowing that it is the right thing, but it is glorifying to God when we expect rewards from Him, because we are recognizing that He is benevolent and true to His promises.

Sometimes we get into problems, though, because we try to dictate what we receive from God, or when we receive it from Him. He is the giver, and the rewards are given as He desires. Often we will not receive them in this lifetime.

We also get into trouble when we seek rewards from our fellow humans. The Sermon on the Mount encourages us to think about rewards from God rather than rewards from man. This is a practically helpful thing because, while Lopez was rewarded in this case, people don’t always react so kindly to good deeds.

Now it’s your turn. What are your thought on Lopez’s situation, or on rewards in general?

—Beau Stanley

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Misapplying Love & Respect

As a teacher, I find it somewhat disconcerting that people can totally miss important points that I am trying to make. Teaching can be a little like the children’s game of “Telephone,” in which the first person to speak says something like, “I like peanut butter,” and by the time the message hits the ultimate recipient, he thinks the message is, “Go Bucks, beat Michigan.” Sometimes people miss things because I am not clear enough. Other times they miss things because they want to miss them.

Unfortunately I have written proof of a time at which I missed an important point that a teacher was trying to make. The year was 2006, I believe, and Dr. Emerson Eggerichs and his wife, Sarah, came to Scottsdale Bible Church to present the Love & Respect conference. The material was really insightful. Unfortunately, my wife was sick and was not able to attend the conference with me.

After the conference, there was a book signing, and I took advantage of it. Dr. Eggerichs asked me what message I would like him to write in the book I had just purchased, and here’s what I asked him to write—which he kindly did:

Stacey—Sorry you weren’t feeling well but enjoy the book!

–Emerson & Sarah

As I made this request, I noted that Sarah’s reaction was somewhat warmer than Emerson’s, and though this may just have been reflective of personality or what the two of them had eaten for breakfast, I have since wondered if Dr. Eggerichs didn’t see through to the real meaning of my words:

Stacey—Sorry you weren’t feeling well enough to be here and find out how much you need to respect me. 

Eggerichs’ teaching on respect is what makes the conference really unique, and this teaching resonated deeply with me. Here’s the problem: I was focused on the way Stacey (a very respectful wife, by the way) should treat me, rather than how I should treat her! Dr. Eggerichs spends a good deal of time in the conference urging just the opposite, but I didn’t digest that emphasis because I didn’t really want to. I had totally misapplied the teaching of the conference before it was even over.

It is uncanny how often people attribute their marital problems almost solely to their spouses. Both spouses in a struggling marriage will usually have eagle-like focus on the alleged flaws of the other person. The biblical way, though, is to focus on our own hearts, and on how we can behave in a godly manner toward our spouses, regardless of how they treat us.

Love & Respect? Great stuff. In Ephesians 5:33, Paul tells wives to respect their husbands, and he tells husbands to love their wives. Men, let’s concern ourselves with how we can love our wives rather than how we can get them to respect us.

What about you? How have you seen these issues play out?

—Beau Stanley

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A working vacation

I just got back from one of the best vacations of my life. No, I didn’t go to an exotic location or spend a month unwinding. I took my oldest son, Isaiah, on a four-day camping trip to Indian Lake State Park with some friends.

I got emotional a number of times as I thought about and recounted the camping trip, and this caused me to do some reflection. The care and generosity of my fellow campers, who were more experienced than I at this, was a big factor in making the vacation special. The great weather was nice. The time away from my normal routine was valuable. Atop the list of blessings, though, was the chance to be with and care for my son for four days.

Since my wife was not along on this particular trip (our youngest is in two casts for a couple more weeks), I really had to be attentive to Isaiah’s needs. I couldn’t take my eye off him for very long. I had to entertain him with various activities throughout the day. I prepared all his meals. This might seem like it would be a challenging time. Actually, I did find it challenging, but wonderful.

You see, I have found that some of the best times I have with my sons are the times in which I am focused on serving them. Maybe you have noticed something similar in your relationships. The times when I am most intent on having what I want and pursuing my own interests, I often find myself strangely unfulfilled. When I serve my family, though this involves sacrifice, I find great joy.

This is even more the case when I get to serve them in the midst of a shared experience that is fun for everyone involved. How much better can life get than holding your sleepy son in the late-evening sun, looking out on a lake and wading in the water?

I guess Jesus was right when He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35 HCSB)! Let’s look to do more giving and less receiving today, men.

Have you had a memorable serving experience with family or someone else?

(EDITOR’S NOTE—Photo: Nate & Nicki Woller)

The “Good Shepherd,” not the “Good Cowboy”

I think it may have been in seminary that I first heard someone present the difference between the “cowboy model” of leadership and the “shepherd model” of leadership. Cowboys, of course, lead their herds by driving the cattle from the rear and sides. Shepherds lead their flocks by walking in front of the sheep.

How interesting it was, in light of this week’s discussion in the Frontier Men’s Bible Study of Robert Coleman’s principle of “delegation,” to come across John 10 this morning in my Bible reading. Not only does Jesus refer to Himself as the “good shepherd” (John 10:11,14), he tells us that He “goes on ahead of” His sheep (10:4 NIV). The Good Shepherd, as we would expect, leads from the front.

If we plan on leading as Jesus did, we’re going to have to show people what we are asking of them (see Coleman’s principle of “demonstration” in The Master Plan of Evangelism). We can’t just tell, we need to do as well. If we aren’t willing to get our hands dirty, to be involved in the process, to give as much as we ask, then we might as well be wearing boots, spurs, chaps, and big wide-brimmed hats. This is not to disparage the cowboys amongst us who are reading this post via the one cell tower in Wyoming. Driving cattle is a good idea. Driving people isn’t.

What metaphors have you found helpful or unhelpful to communicate the essence of good leadership?

—Beau Stanley

How to raise a superstar in five easy lessons

Many of you may know of the Christian recording artist Francesca Battistelli, a Grammy nominee and winner of several major music awards. Francesca’s mom, Kate, was kind enough to share with The Frontier at Grace some insights from her parenting experience on developing the God-given talent of our young ones. We present Kate’s thoughts below. Feel free to share the post with your wives, as well!

— Beau Stanley

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6 KJV)

I hope you know my title, “How to Raise a Superstar in 5 Easy Lessons,” is facetious. Growing a child to achieve greatness and purpose, to determine God’s destiny and will, takes years of dedication, determination and discipline.

Your child’s success or failure, to a large degree, depends on you. How you value their dreams, the work ethic you instill, the moral code you live by, all directly affect their success and the impact they have on the world.

Parents have the divine gift and precious responsibility of mining and nurturing every bit of potential we recognize in our children. Who else but you sees the budding Picasso in the finger paint or the mini Einstein in the science fair volcano? You more than anyone have the unique ability to recognize and nurture the gifts you see in your child.

When Francesca was a little girl, we knew she had a flair for the dramatic and loved the performing arts. So, into ballet she went and then show choir, community theatre and later professional theatre, singing and acting lessons, guitar lessons, camps, conferences and college. All with an eye toward her future and a sense that God had a plan for her in the world of performing arts.

Did we know when she was four years old and starting ballet that she would grow up to be a Grammy nominated Contemporary Christian singer with five Dove awards, five top ten radio hits (two of them number ones), song placements in 6 different TV shows and a major motion picture? No. But my husband and I knew God had something special for her, just as he has something special for your child! We diligently sought Him for wisdom and clarity for her call, He narrowed the field, opened some doors and closed others. Step by step, He made her path clear.

Our part was recognizing “the way she should go” and her part was being diligent in her work, honoring her commitments, practicing and perfecting her skills and always giving her best and pursuing excellence. We learned along the way that it’s never okay to settle for good enough. We strove to instill purpose, a sense of destiny and a passion for excellence and give her the desire to honor God by becoming the absolute best she could be.

We learned how powerful parent’s words are and we learned to speak purpose and destiny into her life. We weren’t afraid to dream big dreams. We provided the best tools we could afford and were always available to talk and maintained open communications. We modeled humility and purity in heart and mind and above all, prayed. A lot!

Kate Battistelli is a wife, mother, grandmother, food and faith blogger, former Broadway actress and Mom to one of Christian music’s most celebrated new recording artists, singer-songwriter Francesca Battistelli. She is currently writing her first book, entitled Growing Great Kids, about her and husband Mike’s journey raising Francesca and the fifteen lessons God taught them on their journey. You can find her blog at http://www.sparkymarketing.com/.

(EDITOR’S NOTE—Photo: Kate Battistelli)

Songs for family worship

I was snooping around on Justin Taylor’s blog the other day and came across this post, which features a company called Seeds Family Worship. I listened to the songs Taylor included in the post and was impressed and even moved.

Setting Scripture to music is not a new idea, but Seeds Family Worship sets Scripture to great music, if the songs I listened to are any indication of the quality of the rest of their work. I would be happy to sing these songs with my family, and I am thinking of buying one of their CDs.

If only I could fix our broken iPod docking station . . .

— Beau Stanley

Del Tackett on the emasculating effect of relativism

A friend recently shared a post with me from Del Tackett’s blog that I think you will enjoy. In the post, entitled Rio Mighty Men, Tackett speaks on the challenges facing men in our culture today. His comments about the emasculating effects of relativism are profound.

Do you agree with Tackett’s comments on our culture? Let us know by leaving a comment.

— Beau Stanley